what?

No this is not my first time! how freakin rude! Why these biatches be hatin and yes lavender is a lighter shade of freakin purple fool! Why is my dog such a freakin diva. But they are so not buttery. Why does my dog have to eat everything I do? would they eat shit if I threw it at them? Besides cat shit....which I did not throw. Now it is empty. When do dogs not have bad gas?!

late

omg it has been so freaking long since I posted on this thing. Lets see I quit my job a few months after the last thing I posted hmm interesting. I was thinking about making a twitter but then I remembered I was not a dumb ass who thought everyone needed to know my every though every second etc etc. And then I remembered that I had created this blogger, o so smart I am. But now what the hell am I going to write about? I have no idea something boring.

Ode to Easter *small*

Dear God thank you for Easter and the resurrection of Jesus, but answer me this:

Why do Easter baskets have guns and basketballs in them?
and why do people need to buy them in bulk after Easter?
And what the arf is up with the Easter Bunny?

And why is it so crowded, do you really need to celebrate Easter or appreciate Passover by buying shit tons of candy?


And why do I have to train everyone on earth?
And why when I train am I the only person who knows how to do anything

A few Shooooort Stories

Crazy Jew (don't get me wrong I have nothing against Jews I am engaged to one)

"oy Grande Matrix you should be ashamed of yourself, $1.69 for a soda"
"well sir you wouldn't have to purchase it if you hadn't of opened it"

Air Conditioning Twit (well twat I guess)

"Does this air conditioner come with wings?"
"Excuse me what?"
"window wings?"
"excuse me"
"you know those little window wings"
"You mean the side panels that keep the air conditioner from falling out of the window?"
"Yes!"
"No...."

Customers Ass

So I scanned a customers ass today. He came to my line, pulled up his shirt and gave me his ass. He wanted me to scan his butt because he had put the shorts on and was to lazy to take the tag off. Um wtf you have to take the tag off anyway don't you?!
hm thanx sir but I don't do anal on the first date....

When Time Stood Still

"does this watch come with a warranty?"
"No"
looks at watch...
"But its broken"
"So get another one"

Backwards

Ok so I havent posted in I have no idea 2 or 3 months because I have been busy um working yeh thats it..... so here goes nothing, I guess I will go backwards this time.

So its 10 pm on the dot of course and Im ready to go home and pass out but no oooooooooooooooo no. They told me to bag out so Im like fucking sweet but then my boss says o wait take this LAST customer so Im like ugh ok. I turn back around and shes got a giant cart with crap pouring out of it.

I dont know how these people fit ALL THIS CRAP in these damn carts. Which reminds me I havent posted the story of the lady with 6 carts full of stuff....anyway she had a lot of shit.

So Im scanning and bagging em about $150 dollars worth of stuff so they send a co worker to enjoy this with me. I feel bad because my co workers duty is bagging this crap which is way more tedious then scanning. So whatever we are bagging and we are up to about $500 dollars now. Jeans mostly a few shirts but here comes the lingerie..... Suddenly out of no where comes the entire womens department and a manager (lol) because she is returning so many things.

They are all standing their super stank maybe more then usual lol. I duno what the big deal is o maybe because its ten 15 at night...

The manager exclaims "Miss I thought we had an understanding, you said you where going to buy ALL this stuff..."

Ok seriously wtf. Did she not spend at least $600 dollars already! Its not like she just left the entire cart there. She had been shopping ALL DAY. She said that NO ONE in the women's department would help her and they where all snickering at her. I totally believe that like a thousand percent here. Because they are always stank.

She said she went over there and asked for a 40 b and they told her they didn't have ANY in her size which she knew was BS. So she was returning the duplicates and I'm sure just out of spite like she later said. So whatever they have an entire bin to put back which they are going to leave for whoever comes in the morning so why are they bitching anyway. Its about 10 20 and we say thank you and that's that. 2 people come bag me out in like 10 seconds flat and I go upstairs. I see my coworker who tells me she gave him a tip and I should have it. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I'm like OK.

I think the real funny part is when the customer whispered to me that she was going to write a letter about the horrible customer service and the manager who was complaining. Hey more power to you, I think you really should. And they wonder why we are no where near the top when being ranked for customer service. Lets see...

1- Do you want to be treated like shit when you ask for help?
2- Do you want to be asked a million questions when all you are buying is a soda?
3- Do you want to wait 20 minutes for someone to give you the price of something?
4- Do you want to wait 20 minutes for someone to get you jewelry, fitting room key or bathroom key?
5-Do you want a credit card and by just applying for it ruin your credit score even more?

I'm gonna go with a big fat NO

Firewrks prt 1

So this weekend was entertaining to say the least.
Friday was a hot mess of crowd. It looked like the line would never stop. I ended up on the last register where of course my scanner didnt work my gun barely worked and my debit machine was black.
So I am running over to my register trying to crack open my change and put in my money and of course no one even lets you breath..."are you open?" "are you open yet?" "are you opening miss?" YES now shut the fuck up and let me count my fucking money...

So I write that my machine doesnt work and I cant do cash back but i can do credit and debit but u have to give the card to me, but no person after person swipe their card on a black screen and dont even read what it says and I love the ones who knock off the piece of paper as if it wasnt supposed to be there.......no it is maybe you should just learn how to read....

So I finally get a second to catch my breath and rewrite my sign. I walk out in front of my register to greet and such....."wheres the Lady's room?" "Someone told me it was down here" So you know STUPID ME I ask "fitting room or restroom?" So of course she says to me "NO A PLACE TO PEE!".

wow what a bitch.....I asked what you wanted because you are downstairs where the LADY'S fitting room is bitch.......yeah and by the way I know what a bathroom is I am from America Im not just visiting..Wow am I glad I finally got a chance to stop and help direct such a saint....

So yeah about an hour before closing some lady is in the line next to me and she asks "hey can I speak to a manager ABOUT THESE PRICES?!"

Um sure why the hell not and why are u askin me your not on my line and your cashier is still there....um wtf..

so yeah anyway Im like "yeh but I cant call one for you right now because I am busy, ask your cashier or go right over there to such and such "
So whatever the manager comes and says " I am not giving you 50% off of this because YOU dont like the price!" and she walked away.

Come the hell on lady this is Grande Matrix if you wanted lower prices you should have went to the 99 cent store.

So then some lady walks by and says some shit to the lady about how someones going to beat her up and that someone is going to be Asian, neither of them where Asian so wtf....So shes like well your just a skinny girl with a small brain. So out of no where the girl starts screaming and cursing at this old lady and this guy comes out of no where and hes like bla bla why are u being mean to an old lady and shes like get the f away from me u fuckin pussy. Then hes like what Im more of a girl then u are and then shes like o o u wanna see?! so the manager comes out and holds the girl back and tells her to calm down....security stands there drooling and we stood there quietly snickering.

After all that is said and done its about 5 minutes after closing and everyone is bagged out, and this lady comes out from behind the cards and says "oy can I buy dis?" We all look at each other as to exclaim quietly A- how did u get in here and why are u still here and B- there are no stores by ur house? wtf
So she tells us that she lives very far away and we tell her srry aint nobody to ring u up but u can come back 2morrow when we open

WTF is wrong with people dont u have a life and where where u when we said we where closing 4 times.....this isnt Narnes and Bobble get the FuK out...

You dont like me? Why you dont like me?!

So one nice steaming hot day about 2 weeks ago a rather fragrant gentleman walks toward my register. I look up and ask him if he needs some help. He persists to ask me how much government cheese he has, so I explain to him that "sir I cant find that out unless u make a purchase" and of course he begins to yell and scream. He swears up and down that he has done it at the Matrix before and he cant go shopping if he doesn't know how much cheese he has. So I ask if he wants me to call a manager and of course he does. So I indulge him and call. Mean while other customers are walking by and exclaiming about how strong the odor is. Coming up to me and telling me, "it really stinks in here ?" "what is that smell?" "oh my that man really stinks!!"

YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT? You think i cant smell anything? You think I enjoy smelling feet and Cheetos's in 80 degree weather well no Im sorry I dont.....You think I wouldnt love to get some Oust or dump this guy in a fkin shower stall....of course not because it must say Douche Bag on my name tag....

So I call a manager she says "too bad we cant check the government cheese he has to buy something" So I tell her to come downstairs to explain it to the fragrant customer. She sighs and says she is on her way. So then he goes to another cashier and she tells him the same thing. But he says "ok thank you" and proceeds to explain, "oh oh but she dont like me? why she dont like me?"

So Im like whatever and I call security. They explain to him that there is nothing they can do and ask him to just buy something like a soda or candy bar but no, "no I just want to know how much I have I go shopping her all the time, its just cause she dont like me?why she dont like me?"

So finally this guy fkin buys something and FINALLY a manager comes down.....

So he buys a soda at the register all the way across from me. He does not have enough. "but I should have a hundred something dollars on her. Why you dont like me?" So the manager comes and explains to him what happens and he begs for some sort of discount so he can obtain the soda. Do to pure stench alone he is given a cheaper priced soda and finally leaves but not without saying "Thank you miss. But what happened she dont like me , why she dont like me?"

You would think then I might be able to run and get my hanfs on some God dang air freshener or mayhaps a gas mask.....but no I didnt even get a chance to think of cleaning my counter before a barage of customers shoot out of nowhere. and of course they keep exclaiming about the smell and asking why there is no air freshener and this and that. I duno why do you think have you seen me leave this spot have you noticed there are only 2 of us have you noticed there is no fucking air conditioning and a train running by every 5 minutes and perhaps made even worse by the fact that its hot as hell outside as well as inside...I duno maybe I am a Douche Bag and enjoy stinky cheese foot smell and maybe I didnt like him for no valid reason....